Salute to Summer

Nothing like the last day of summer (and the month) to inspire me to write.
February was a blur, of goals and the wedding, byron bliss and straight back in to the hustle life. The wedding was the best day of my life, it was so perfect. It felt like the hard work had paid off...that we were able to celebrate our love in a supportive environment and (almost) everyone that came was so happy for us and so cherished by us. I feel like not only did I become part of E's family but that our friends became a lot more like family too.
So since coming back, we have agreed that we dislike being called "crazy". Just because literally no one else is game enough to do what we do, does not make us crazy. What we are is so focused on and passionate about what we do. My secret is that there is NOT a lot of money in the fitness industry IF you maintain your integrity. See, most people do not practice what they preach. It's easy to run bootcamps and tell people they are fat and they need to do bootcamp while you, yourself restrict your diet and never do any bootcamp classes. It's easy to sell products when you ignore the label and are promised incentives like shiny Audi cars. It's easy to not care about whether your members are training.
What is not easy is buying organic and environmentally friendly products for your gym and making sure there is a recycling bin, it is not promoting plastic bottled water even through it's cheap advertising. It is exhausting making sure to contact every athlete each week and to help people find motivation again when they skip classes. It is gut wrenching when people tell you they cant train anymore for whatever reason and you know that the person will leave with a ginormous chunk of your heart. It is not easy to be invested in your athletes goals and achievements so much more than your own.
However, it is so fucking WORTH IT. Because while most nights I go to bed worrying about all the stuff I have to do that I didn't do, I go to bed knowing we haven't sold out. We have maintained our integrity in each and every step of creating and owning this business. We are painfully honest and upfront with everything, including our goals and training achievements.
Most business coaches believe that you cannot be a successful CrossFit box owner and be a competitive athlete...well it may take a few years but I know E is going to break that stereotype. Most believe that you cannot work full time and parent full time without a nanny or day care...well we have completely smashed that stereotype out of the park!
We are not crazy, we are driven. As my gorgeous best bish says "you do it because you have to" and I am lucky enough that I can let my girlfriends know when I am struggling...they motivate me, inspire me to keep my head up.

Something I have not been completely honest about is the extreme lows occurring since having Reef. After I had River, writing became a way for me to move through post-partum depression. I was able to write about how much I loved being a mother, yes how hard it was, but I was also able to convey the joy it bought me...this helped me recover and survive.
Though since having Reef I have written less and less...feeling like my writing was not good enough to share or that it would be too depressing. These have been some extremely hard months, in which I have experienced pain so intense that I did not want to live through it, in which I have felt like a freak, and completely isolated, in which I have had severe panic attacks then walk straight in to a room of people and coach. Some of my athletes confide in me that they have mental illness, many people I know have experienced PPD, depression and anxiety. It is something I do not enjoy talking about, in part that I believe we create our own reality and saying that I am struggling may mean it's all my fault, and in part because I fear rejection. 
I have just finished reading Melissa Ambrossini's Master Your Mean Girl book (https://melissaambrosini.com) and feel inspired to choose love right now over that fear of rejection.
We ALL want to connect to others, to feel unity and support, part of a tribe. So I am speaking out in the hopes that I may connect to you, to let you know you are not alone if you too are struggling. I am also publicly thanking my beautiful girlfriends, friends and husband because I push people away when I get sad and despite this, you all kept loving me.
I have struggled with this illness since I was 10years old and as I approach 30, I feel proud to have survived, not ashamed anymore. If you need immediate help please contact https://www.beyondblue.org.au
Here are my top tips for surviving:

• Eat to nourish your body, not punish it. This includes intuitive eating. After a battle with eating issues I can tell you there is hope for a loving relationship with food.
• Move your body. I train hard because it makes me feel alive, sexy, strong, healthy and whole.
• Fake it until you make it - speak to yourself as if you love yourself, even if you have no idea what this would even look like. I tell myself that I am love, I am abundant, I am thankful and I am worthy. 
• Talk to someone. I have a husband who has given me his heart, and while sometimes I find it hard to accept that love, when we get talking, I feel so much healing power in our conversations.
• Listen to others. We all have struggles, and we all have inspiration. Instead of scrolling through instagram wishing you had this or that, ask someone about their day and their life goals or how they got involved in their current job. 
• Give compliments, accept compliments and don't trash talk anyone, not even the driver who just cut you off ;)

If you would like to share how you increase the positivity in your life, please comment. If you would like to connect further, my email is sares@crossfitcroydon.com.au

Have a great day x