With sooooo March l o v e <3

This week has been another wild ride in my lovely little life…thank the LORD for dance classes, my ability to speed read a juicy novel (Carrie Soto is back - Taylor Jenkins Reid), and a TEA ceremony to calm the nervous system.

At uni on Tuesday I felt far less alone in my experiences, and far less behind than what I thought. In actual fact, my ability to hold all I am is blowing my mind and I am extremely proud of myself. However, I was called away to navigate a situation with my teen son.

In my life before becoming a mother I truly believed I would be such an awesome mum at the teen stage, I couldn’t wait to confidently explore the world with my teens! I never imagined having to deal with technology or facing motherhood without a partner…I didn’t expect to have less time for connection with my friendship/support groups due to university. This month things have shifted with my ex and we have been able to communicate better, which has helped. My neighbours/friends have also just been the biggest blessing, encouraging me & loving on our family. So I feel like we’ve broken some ground and I’m parenting River with a lot more confidence, empathy and respect. He has changed high schools and is loving his first job in a gelato store (his boss is SO impressed with Riv’s maturity, responsibility and hard work). It’s hard letting go, it’s hard not being his favourite person in the world, but I feel that I will always fail forward as a mumma and learn from my experiences to do better. As long as I am hugging them as often as I can (just had a snuggle then) I feel like I am winning. The Wednesday morning tea ceremony reminded me of how much I LOVE being a mother. Regardless of any other circumstance, being a mum is the greatest blessing on my life.

Amongst learning how to be a midwife, assignments, leading Anatomy & Physiology classes, navigating placement hours at Tweed and visiting women with the private midwives, being on call almost constantly, and mumma life, I have created space for self care. I am dancing regularly, doing yoga daily, training at least twice each week, walking as often as I can, journalling daily and usually my nutrition is on point. My body is softer now, I am resting my collar bone (no heavy cleans or jerks the past 2 months) and my shoulder when I need to, and learning how to love my body just as I am without excessive control. It was easier to love my body when I was training every day, competing and managing to keep injuries from occurring. My priorities have shifted though, and while I’m less shredded, I’m handling the stresses in my life with more grace. I aim to add more surfing into the week, though if it doesn’t happen I cant beat myself up! I’d love to coach & PT more but I am certainly finding it tough to fit in paid work.

Moving forwards I will get myself through the next month, organise our Bali holiday, and continue to look after myself. I am almost on top of uni studies, keeping up with module content & assignments. I’m not doing the greatest on the quizzes which is frustrating. If I don’t do well on this latest assignment I may have to reconsider my academic goals.

I can see many paths laid out for my future, and I am excited to see which road my life paves. I’ve never experienced this before as normally the unknown fills me with dread. All I know is I have done my best, healed so much for myself, helped hundreds of women to feel respected and beautiful as they journey into motherhood, looked after my family with the best of intentions and humbly admitted to my many, many mistakes.

I hope that your coffee tastes delicious and your life feels truly meaningful xx